There was a story in the Washington Post, that a friend shared earlier this week about a three year old child being thrown out of a Montessori preschool due to repeated potty training accidents. Her working mother was upset that the school expelled her child and would not refund the tuition. I surmise that two scenarios are playing out, one the preschool has a licensing issue with regard to the diaper changes and two, this three year old little girl isn't ready for all day pre-school. When we were contemplating which preschool to enroll our daughter in at age three, we were openly informed by several preschools that they would not accept children who were not potty trained as enrolled students. Some of the children in my Daughter’s school did in fact have bathroom accidents in the classroom. The parents of these children were then contacted and asked to come change their children.
My best friend and I were conversing on the phone the other day about how nutty our parental peers of our generation have become. My thought is that parenting, like everything else should not be done in moderation, curtly put, hyper reactive parenting needs to cease. This high strung parenting phenomenon is in direct contrast to the laid back manner in which our own parents raised us. As children we did not ride in car seats.(We could have catapulted out of the car,yikes!) Our parents smoked and consumed alcohol while we were in utero. Gen X and Gen Y, we are all alive and functioning, you get the picture.
Now, I’m surrounded by parents consumed with whether there is Bisphenal A in plastics, whether the playground is toxic, dousing their children with hand sanitizer, refusing basic vaccinations at the pediatricians office believing WebMD is tantamount to their doctor’s medical degree, firmly requesting more homework for their children and just simply not allowing their children to be children. In the immediate area where we reside there is a population en masse of hyper reactive parents. To a degree I can laugh at these people but, truthfully I do grow monumentally frustrated when I read there is a measles outbreak in the next county because of these brain-trusts that no better and refuse to vaccinate. My Husband and I are a unified front in that we do not subscribe to the insanity.
The psychological harm that is being inflicted upon my children’s peer group is severe and I have serious concerns about how these children are going to flourish into young adults.
Three weeks ago I read the now infamous Tiger Mom article in the Wall Street Journal, which was essentially an excerpt from Amy Chau’s book about the Eastern, Chinese style of parenting. The basic notion was that via severe and forceful parenting you are more likely to produce an overachiever. Countless responses have been written to the piece that appeared in WSJ, most touting positive reinforcement, which I agree with. I believe the lines are blurred and that this is not solely cultural phenomenon though. There are plenty of American Amy Chau’s. This certainly is not superior parenting.
Mrs. Chau typifies my definition of a hyper reactive parent. Her children were not allowed to participate in after school activities and chastised for receiving the grade of B. The author does state in her article that she receives her come-uppance in the book, but does not reveal precisely the manner in the article. What are these nutty parents setting themselves up for I wonder?
Presently, our Daughter is repeatedly going to the school nurse to feign ailments. Just to give you some background, our daughter is five years old and in full day kindergarten. The school nurse and I are now on a first name basis; in fact we even purchased a Christmas present for her. The reason that I bring our personal situation up is because when questioning our Daughter about why she is pretending to be ill, she has confided in us that she misses being home, the school day is long and boring. It sounds like a fairly common complaint that you might hear from any elementary school student. After my Daughter arrives home from school in the afternoon she has approximately two hours worth of homework to complete on any given night. In my eyes this is excessive. I know that at age five I did not have nearly as much homework and it allowed time for play and socialization. When the hell are these children supposed to learn to interact, imagine and play?
While dropping my Daughter off at school, relaying the fact that I did not want to hear from the school nurse my little girl busted out the following artillery, ”Jesus didn't go to school, so why do I have to?” Thank goodness that I was facing forward because a fit of silent parental laughter ensued as I attempted to restrain myself from making noise. Earlier I had been posed questions about my own schooling and now the five-year-old future attorney in the car seat progressed to evoking the name of Christ to further her argument. How do you even reply to this? My daughter is very bright and skilled at getting the results she desires. We are doing a bang up job on the parenting quite obviously.
Which brings me back to the three year old girl in Arlington Virginia that was suspended from the Montessori school, if my five -year-old is experiencing difficulty in adjusting to an eight hour school day and two hours of homework it is safe to assume that this three -year-old child is probably having difficulty adjusting to a full school day too, hence the numerous potty training accidents. It is unfortunate that her own mom is not identifying the true problem.
